Twisted Love
by Wannon
Summary: Wannon: *YAOI {Seifer/Zell}* (Complete 2/2) An experiment with a favourite pairing and some character twisting... Seifer is moving towards happiness but someone is determined to hold him back... because they want more from him then he is prepared to give.
1. Twisted Love

This fanfic was requested by Smeegee-chan (kinda…) but it was mainly just to give me a fanfic to write…I had run out of ideas.

So here it is, a Seifer x Zell fanfic…my very first!

I'm gonna try for angsty this time…I always write 'happy' stories.Prepare yourselves for major OOC-ness…I can't seem to keep them in character, dammit!

Oh well, 

Hope y'all like it!

~ Wannon-chan ~

Err obviously this is another yaoi/shounen ai fanfic from our beloved Wannon-chan.If you're not in the know than that means that this fic contains male/male relationships.Not your thing… then don't read this – there are heaps of great heterosexual fanfics that you can read and enjoy!Enjoy the fanfic after taking note of all the warnings.Ooh and if you hate the idea of your favorite character being portrayed as at best misguided and at worst downright EVIL then DON'T read this.Wannon wanted to experiment a bit as she has been getting bored ^.^

~ Smeegee-chan ~

## Twisted Love – Part One

A sneeze.

Another sneeze.

Seifer opened his eyes and blinked a few times to clear his vision.

His eyes soon focused on the small form of his lover, Zell Dincht, bent over and attempting to block out the bout of sneezes.Seifer yawned, and Zell looked over at him in surprise.

"…Sorry, Seifer.I tried to be quiet, but this damn cold I have caught me by surprise…" He began apologizing.Seifer just stared at him, and Zell became nervous.

"S-Seifer? Oh, damn, you're mad at me, aren't you? I said I was sorry…" he babbled.Seifer sighed.

"Do you have any idea how cute you are, chicken-wuss?" he asked.Zell blushed.

"What? You can't be serious, Seifer…I'm all gross and sick!" he exclaimed.Seifer turned his back to Zell.

_What am I doing? Be strong, Seifer…it has to be done… he thought._

"Get out. Now." Seifer commanded.Zell became puzzled.

"Why?…are you mad at me now?" he asked.Seifer felt himself weakening, but he forced a growl out. 

_Be strong…he told himself._

"Just go!" he exclaimed.Zell let out a small 'eep' and rushed out of Seifer's room.The tall blonde sighed once he was gone.

_How on earth can I do this to him? Seifer wondered._

_ _

_Because if you don't, things will be worse for him… his heart told him._

_ _

_Why do these things always happen to me?! He thought furiously, remembering what had happened yesterday…_

~ * ~

* Yesterday afternoon, 4:30 p.m. *

Seifer sat in the Quad, looking out at the sea as Balamb Garden sailed along to Fisherman's Horizon.

He heard someone approaching him, and he braced himself for abuse.

Nothing came.Seifer was confused.

_After Squall let me come back here, that's all I've received from everyone…not that I don't deserve it.I wonder why they're so quiet? He pondered.He looked behind him to see Zell._

_Oh, Zell…you…you're the only one who has given me the love and support I so desperately needed…he thought, as he smiled at the martial artist.Zell smiled back, and plonked himself down next to Seifer.He kissed him deeply, then covered his mouth before he could complain about the public display of affection._

"Shut up, Seifer.I have to tell you something" Zell said, and slowly removed his hand from Seifer's mouth.The taller blonde raised an elegant eyebrow at his energetic lover.

"And what would that be, chicken-wuss?" he queried.Zell frowned, but began.

"I need to tell you that I love you" he said.Seifer felt a great surge of elation flood his system.

_Zell…loves me? Someone actually loves me?! He thought.He smiled broadly, before embracing Zell and kissing him with a passion he'd never felt before._

"I love you, too, Zell…what brought about this sudden admission?" he asked.Zell's happy expression left quickly, and the small blonde looked at his feet.

"Uh…I got a mission coming up.A real dangerous one, and I had to tell ya, in case I never got to…" he said quietly.Seifer nodded.

"I'm glad you did" he said.Zell grinned.

"Me too…I'm gonna go train, wanna come?" he asked.Seifer nodded.

"Sure.You go on ahead, I'll catch up later" he said.Zell nodded and leapt up, sprinting to the Training Centre.

Seifer sat there a while, just letting the seaspray hit his face.The wind ruffled his hair, and he licked his lips, tasting the salt in the air.

_Why is Zell so good to me? All I've done is tease and torment him his entire life, and yet he gives me everything…his body, his soul…his heart.I don't deserve him…Seifer thought, as a seagull above him let out its mournful cry._

Seifer took a deep breath and expelled it, hoping that all his fears and inhibitions would go with it.

_I should go…I don't want to keep Zell waiting…he thought._

Feeling a little more positive about himself, Seifer stood up, and began to make his way to the Training Centre.He was stopped by a hand falling on his shoulder.

Looking over said shoulder, Seifer saw that the sudden distraction had chestnut hair, storm-grey eyes, and a scar – the mirror image of his own.

"Squall" Seifer said, nodding his head in acknowledgement.

The only other person who had given Seifer a second chance was Squall.The beautiful youngster _had been the one to allow Seifer back, after all…_

"I need to talk to you, Seifer…" Squall began.Seifer nodded, and the two sat down.

"What's wrong, Squall?" Seifer inquired.The other teen's face had taken on an unusual expression.

Squall looked at Seifer for a heartbeat, then just as quickly Squall was kissing Seifer hard.The tall blonde was shocked, but managed to shove the younger boy off him.

"Squall!…I'm already involved…" Seifer said.Squall raised an eyebrow.

"Does it look like I care?! I know all about you and Zell" he said.Seifer's expression switched from shock to rage.

"Stay away from me, Squall…" he said.

The new leader of Balamb Garden snorted and shoved Seifer to the ground, straddling his hips.Seifer growled deeply and tried to escape, but he was pinned down by Squall.

"You'll do as I say, Seifer…or I'll send you away, and make things…unpleasant…for Zell" Squall warned.Seifer let out a cry of anger as Squall began placing kisses up his neck.

"How dare you?! He's your _friend, Squall! You really __are heartless…" he said.Squall paused in his ministrations to look Seifer in the eyes._

"Is that so? Well you won't believe me when I say that I love you, then…" he said, pouting slightly.Seifer laughed bitterly.

"Of course not…if you loved me, this wouldn't be happening" he said.Squall got up off Seifer, and glared at him.

"Make no mistake, Seifer…I do love you.I'm a very determined young man when it comes to getting what I want, and believe me…I won't rest until you're _mine…" he said.Seifer got up and began to walk away, but Squall stopped him._

"Oh, and Seifer? Not one word…" he said.Seifer knew what would happen if he opened his mouth…Zell would suffer.

_I won't let anything happen to him! He thought._

"Agreed…" he replied, and walked away.

Seifer's mind was racing.He wanted to tell Zell of Squall's threat, but to do so would endanger the martial artist's well-being.

_I know Squall is serious…maybe I should let Zell go…that way I can avoid him being hurt any more than necessary…he thought.His heart crumpled like a discarded tissue at the thought of losing Zell._

# But it has to be done…

_ _

~ * ~

* Back to present time *

_So this is how it has to be…maybe…maybe Zell's better off without me…Seifer thought dejectedly.__He's leaving tomorrow, despite his illness…I have to break it off with him today.But what can my reason for it be? Oh dammit.This is gonna be harder than I thought…_

Seifer got out of bed, and slowly dressed himself.

"Time to find Zell…" he mumbled to himself, opening his dorm room door.He saw Zell on the other side, and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Zell?! Have you been-"

"-waiting here the whole time? Yeah…" Zell finished for him.Seifer scratched his head.

"Sometimes, you amaze me, Zell…" he said.The smaller blonde struck a pose.

"Cos' I'm so great!" he crowed.Seifer frowned.

"Don't get _too carried away, chicken-wuss" Seifer said, and Zell deflated."Sorry Zell…uh, I need to talk to you about something" Seifer began.Zell was tugging at the sleeve of Seifer's trenchcoat, looking at him pleadingly._

"Hot dogs!…please?" he asked.Seifer couldn't help but smile, and take Zell's hand.The energetic youngster practically dragged the other teen all the way to the cafeteria.

Seifer sat down at a table as he waited for Zell.Finally, the younger boy came back, a plate full of hot dogs in one hand.

"Mmm…" Zell said, licking his lips."So, there was something you wanted to talk about, Seifer?"

Seifer looked at Zell.He was already halfway through one hot dog, mustard on his face, eyes smiling.

_I…I can't do this.Not now…he thought in despair.__I'll do it later…maybe…_

"Oh yes, I wanted to find out more about this mission of yours…" Seifer lied.Zell swallowed the food in his mouth and nodded.

"Thought you might…well, it's a mission to the Island nearest to Hell…apparently the Hexadragons are overpopulating the island, and we need to reduce the numbers a little…" he said.Seifer smiled.

_Mr. Know-It-All-Zell…he's always so serious when explaining things…Seifer thought._

"So why is it dangerous?" he queried.Zell pulled a face.

"Well, you can barely walk a step without being attacked by a high-level, powerful monster.That's the dangerous part" he said.

_Next question…Seifer thought._

"Who's going?"

"Me, Selphie, Irvine and Quistis…" Zell listed.

# So Squall isn't going, huh? Well, that explains why he chose now to pull this…

Seifer took Zell's hand.

"I'm going to miss you…more than you'll ever know" he whispered.Zell blushed.

"Aww…that's real sweet of ya!" he said.He squeezed Seifer's hand tightly.The tall blonde managed to contain his tears.

# If only you knew, Zell…

~ * ~

Zell watched his lover curiously in between demolishing his hot dogs.

_He sure is being emotional…is this the real Seifer? The one that's been kept hidden his whole life? He mused.Despite his sudden bouts of stupidity, Zell was actually very intelligent.Sometimes._

The two made idle chit-chat, before returning to their rooms.Zell flopped onto his bed with a sigh.

_What am I doing?! I'm leaving tomorrow, there's no way I'm sleeping alone! He thought, leaping to his feet.He dashed down the hallway, pausing outside Seifer's door.A devilish grin appeared on his face, and he knocked loudly._

He heard shuffling noises, before the door was flung open.

There stood Seifer, a foul expression on his face, toothbrush in hand.Obviously he was unimpressed with the disturbance of his nightly routines.

The look left immediately once Seifer saw who was at the door.Zell smiled sheepishly and waved.

"Zell…" Seifer said.His face was lit up with a smile.Zell heard noises coming from inside the room, and his eyes widened in shock and disbelief at what he saw.

Squall Leonhart.

Half-naked, and walking over to hug Seifer from behind.

"Oh, hey Zell…" he said nonchalantly.Seifer had pushed Squall from him, and was now yelling something at the grinning teen, but Zell couldn't hear it.His mind was in turmoil.

_Seifer, no…this isn't real.Any minute now, I'm going to wake up, and everything will be fine…he thought, pinching himself.His heart sank as nothing changed._

# I-I'm awake?! No…how could you, Seifer? You told me you loved me!

"You told me you loved me!" Zell cried, before turning his back and running.

~ * ~

* Earlier… *

After their little chat, Seifer said goodbye to Zell and the two parted ways.Seifer entered his room to find Squall watching TV.

"Hi sexy" he said with a smile.Seifer's eyes narrowed at him.

"What do you want?!" he snapped.Squall slinked over to Seifer, pouting prettily.

"As if you didn't know…" he whispered huskily.Seifer flinched at the feeling of Squall's breath on his neck.

"Go away, Squall.Zell doesn't leave until tomorrow, and I don't want him getting hurt any more than he's already going to…" he said icily.Squall snorted.

"Have it your way, sexy.I'll just wait right here…" he said, sitting back down.Seifer just grunted and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He had just picked up his toothbrush, when he heard a knock at his door.

_That could only be Zell…it's his knock, I know it…Seifer thought.He shot a glance towards Squall, who was moving to open it with a grin.Seifer grabbed him before he could._

"Uh-uh, you hide in here.I don't want Zell to see you" he said, shoving Squall into the bathroom, and closing the door a little._I swear, I'm going to kill him…he thought, glaring one last time at Squall, who simply winked seductively back at him._

Seifer opened the door.Zell stood before him, waving and smiling sheepishly.

"Zell…" Seifer said._Just seeing him makes me so happy…he thought, before being hugged from behind by Squall.Seifer saw the expression on Zell's face.He was in utter disbelief._

"Oh, hey Zell…" Squall said casually.Seifer pushed the boy off him, and Squall stood there, clad only in a pair of silk boxers, and a sadistic smile.

_Oh, that's it…he's dead. Seifer thought angrily, before launching into an angry barrage._

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Where are your clothes?!…Squall, this isn't funny! I'm gonna _kill you!" he snapped.Squall continued to grin like a madman._

"Wipe that stupid damn grin off your face, Leonhart! This isn't funny at all!" Seifer raged.Squall stayed silent, but the laughter was evident in his eyes.

_That bastard…he's…laughing at me! He's happy about this! Seifer realised.He opened his mouth to say something more, when a sharp cry from behind interrupted him._

"You told me you loved me!"

_Zell…he thought, turning to see he was gone.Seifer rushed after the smaller blonde in a panic, Squall forgotten for now._

# Zell…

~ * ~

Squall stayed silent and smiling as he watched Seifer run after Zell.He laughed softly once he was alone.

"Perfect…" he breathed.

_Once he realizes that I'm the only one who truly loves him, he'll be so much more compliant…and that moment of realizationis not too far away now…Squall thought, as he flung himself onto Seifer's bed with a contented sigh._

# You're as good as mine now, Seifer…

_ _

~ * ~

Zell knew Seifer was chasing him, but he didn't care.He continued to run, and dashed into his room, swiftly slamming the door behind him. 

He moved his bed in front of the door, to avoid a guilty Seifer entering.

Once he was sure Seifer couldn't get in, he curled up in his bed, letting the tears he'd been holding back begin to flow.He was so incredibly mad at Seifer right now…just thinking about it made him angry.

He could hear Seifer banging frantically on the door, calling his name and asking for a chance to explain.

Zell just didn't care.

"Go away, Seifer!" he yelled.The normally sweet-natured girl in the room next to Zell's banged loudly on the wall.

"Hey! Can you shutup, please?! I'm trying to sleep!" she cried.Zell sighed, curling into a tighter ball, ignoring everything around him.

_Why, Seifer? Why did you do this to me? He thought, before eventually sobbing himself to sleep._

~ * ~

Seifer arrived at Zell's room just as the door slammed in his face.He went to open it, and found he couldn't.

_Dammit Zell! At least let me explain! He thought.Seifer began to bang on the door frantically._

"Zell! Please, let me explain!" he cried.He heard Zell's muffled reply;

"Go away, Seifer!"

Seifer blushed as he realised that their quarrel was disturbing others, as the girl next door began banging on the wall, and yelling.

But Seifer was determined to speak to Zell.He glanced at the floor in front of Zell's door with a sigh.

_Looks like this is where I'll be sleeping tonight…at least Zell won't be able to get past me…he thought.Seifer removed his trenchcoat, and curled up on the floor, using the previously removed trenchcoat as a blanket._

Sleep claimed him a few minutes later.

~ * ~

Zell's alarm clock rang, stirring him from a strange dream…Seifer and he were fighting…

Zell glanced around the room, and noticed that his bed was up against the door.

_Funny…that's where it was in my dream…and Seifer was banging on the door…was that real?!…oh, god.It was real.Zell thought unhappily.He showered and dressed, and began to pack his things, feeling the pre-mission jitters setting in._

_Well this is just damn great.I'm leaving on a mission today, and Seifer and I are fighting… Zell thought bitterly._

As soon as he was ready, Zell moved his bed back and opened the door.He was greeted with the sight of Seifer, curled up on the floor, asleep.Zell felt himself become angry, and he stepped over him, beginning to walk away.

_I don't have the time, the patience or the right frame of mind to deal with this right now… he thought._

A hand grabbed his ankle.

"Zell…" Seifer's sleepy voice reached his ears.

"Don't.Touch.Me." Zell snapped, kicking free of Seifer's grip.He continued to walk away, and heard Seifer leap to his feet and follow.

"Seifer, leave me alone…" Zell said coldly.

"Please, Zell…let me explain! That's all I ask!" Seifer cried, as they approached the Ragnarok.Irvine, Quistis and Selphie were already waiting, casting looks of disapproval towards Seifer.

"Hi Zell!" they chorused.Zell flashed them his patented toothy grin.

"Hi guys!" he said happily.He joined them, and began to board the ship when Seifer grabbed his shoulders.

"Zell, please!" he begged.Zell glared back at him angrily, before abruptly looking away.

"Seifer, right now I'm so angry with you, I can't even look at you.I need some time to cool down.We'll talk about this when I get back"

_ _

_If I get back… he didn't say.He brushed Seifer off, and finally boarded the aircraft._

He never looked back.

~ * ~

Seifer couldn't believe it.He watched the Ragnarok take off, his face expressionless.

_He never even said goodbye…_

End of part one.

Did ya like it?

Let me know, cos I need the support.

Please don't feel like you need to tell me the obvious…I KNOW it's majorly OOC.You don't hafta tell me, mmmkay?

T'would be much appreciated.

~ Wannon-chan ~

P.S.Merry Kiss-my-ass!

I want a PS2 for x-mas…I won't be getting one.Damn New Zealand! WHY CAN'T YOU BE BIGGER?! And…possibly Japan? I WANNA LIVE IN JAPAN!

Uhh…sorry.

~ Wannon-chan ~

Hope you liked the start of this fic… I know _I_ did! If you liked this then never fear more is coming as soon as Wannon writes/types it!Please review below – we adore feedback and comments- be they critical or complimentary – are greatly appreciated.No flames please, they waste your time and burn our sensitive skin!

~ Smeegee-chan ~


	2. Twisted Love

# Well here it is…the much awaited second part of 'Twisted Love'

But I must say, this is rather hard to do, considering my current situation…

Picture this;

My computer is on a very low coffee table…I can't afford a bigger one.

I am sitting on my inflatable chair, in order to type.Unfortunately, my grandmother's Siamese cat has punctured said chair, so it deflates as I sit here.

Needless to say, I am experiencing extreme frustration, and back pains.

WHY?!

Oh well…

At least I have my health! 

~ Wannon-chan pauses to cough and splutter ~

Nuts…

But I digress…on with the fanfic! Yay!!

~ Wannon-chan ~

## Twisted Love- Part Two

Seifer trudged back to his room, ignoring all the hateful glares he was receiving.

He was too wrapped up in his thoughts.

In fact, he was so absorbed in thought, that he forgot to be angry at Squall…for a little while, anyway.

"Baby! There you are!" Squall cried, walking towards him.Seifer's head shot up at his voice.

"Squall…he's…he's gone, and he never said goodbye…he hates me, and…it's all _your fault!" he yelled.Squall quickly dragged Seifer into his room, which was thankfully very close._

"Shh! Don't make such a commotion!" Squall hissed.Seifer turned and lunged at him, tackling him to the floor.

"This is all your fault, you son of a bitch! You ruined my happiness, Zell's happiness…now I'm gonna ruin yours!" Seifer snapped, emphasizing each sentence with a punch.He dared to look at Squall's face, and saw that his eyes were filled with anger.

Seifer paused for a second, giving Squall time to connect with a punch of his own, and the two engaged in battle, oblivious to anything else around them.

All they knew was they were fighting once again.

No friendliness.

No smiles.

No happiness.

Just rage…

Eventually, the two broke apart, breathing heavily, and eyeballing each other.

"Why did you have to do this, Squall? You could have told me so much sooner…before Zell and I happened.Why do you have to destroy everything I build for myself?" Seifer asked, gasping for breath.Squall sneered.

"I could ask you the same thing…" he said.Seifer looked confused.

"What?" he asked.Squall frowned.

"Don't act so naïve Seifer…you know what I'm talking about.Remember back a few years…to that night…you remember, don't you? How you crushed my self confidence?" he asked.Seifer felt his stomach twist as he remembered.

"I…I'm sorry…" he said.Squall nodded solemnly.

"I'm sure you are…Why didn't you tell ME sooner, huh? I mean, I'm pretty sure you must have figured out that I wasn't exactly straight by the way I threw myself at you that night, and you shoved me away.That made me withdraw even further into my shell.I closed myself off to everyone, promising to never reveal my feelings again, for fear of being hurt.But I still loved you, regardless of what you did…that's real love, Seifer.Where you'll go to the ends of the earth for someone, without a single thought of your own safety…" Squall confessed.

"I thought you withdrew because of Sis leaving…" Seifer said, mainly to himself.Squall shrugged.

"That was part of the problem…her absence made me grow used to being alone, not to withhold my feelings…" he said.

"I thought you weren't into guys, until I heard about you and Zell…that's what hurt me the most.You never told me…"

"So you decided to have your revenge by screwing with our lives?!" Seifer snapped.Any sympathy he had been developing for the other teen had quickly evaporated.Squall shook his head.

"Not exactly.I'll admit that that was part of the plan…but mainly, it was to get you to be mine…I love you.Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to say that to you after what you did?! Yet I continue to say it…" he said with a sigh.

"…Like you're trying to convince yourself that it's true, Squall.I'd have to say that if you really _did love me, that it's a twisted kind of love…an obsession, or infatuation.Not true love" Seifer snapped.Squall looked shocked._

"Wh-what? Am I…really doing that? No, it's true…I love you, I know I do…I don't have to convince myself! It's true!" he said.Seifer raised an eyebrow.

"Then why are you trying to convince yourself now? Face it, Squall…you've deluded yourself into loving me…but in reality, you don't." he said."Anyway, I thought you and Rinoa were together…"

"Rinoa?! No, she was a control freak…she convinced herself that I could love her…oh no…" Squall trailed off.Seifer nodded knowingly.

"Kind of similar to you, don't you think?" he said smugly.Squall was in shock.

"I've…I've become just like that witch! Oh, god…" he gasped, flinging himself into Seifer's arms."I'm so sorry…I've ruined everything! I hate myself so much…" he cried uncharacteristically.Seifer patted his back, emotions conflicting.

_I don't know what to do…I'm still mad at him, but he's seriously sorry…and he's a friend.He needs this support…I guess I could put the anger aside, for now… Seifer thought.He wrapped his arms around Squall, as he began to cry remorseful tears._

_I just hope Zell can forgive me…both Squall and Seifer thought._

~ * ~

Zell stormed into the cockpit of the Ragnarok, and stood there, fuming silently.Quistis noticed her good friend's upset expression, and walked over to him.

"Zell?" she asked quietly.The small teen's head shot up in surprise.

"Quistis, hi!…'Sup?" he asked nonchalantly.The willowy blonde sighed, shaking her head.

"Quit hiding, Zell…I know you're upset about something.Tell me…" she said.Zell's features scrunched up in frustration.

She already hates Seifer's guts…if I tell her what happened, she'll hate him more…but I need to tell someone! He thought.

"It's Seifer…" he began.Quistis frowned angrily.

"What has he done to you?!" she demanded.Zell was unsure if he should continue, but knew he would end up being pressured into it anyway.Sometimes Quistis thought she was doing the right thing, but she usually ended up making the problem worse.

"He…I caught him cheating on me…with Squall…" he said.Quistis raised an eyebrow.

"Are you sure? That doesn't sound like Squall…now Seifer, on the other hand…sorry, Zell.I won't say anything more." She said seriously.

"Yeah, Quistis…I'm sure that's what I saw.Squall was hugging him…and he was only wearing his boxers…" he said, frowning at the picture of the incident burned in his mind.Quistis closed her eyes, digesting the information.

"I'm so sorry, Zell…it must have been terrible for you…" she said sadly.Zell snorted.

"Yeah…I'm just so angry with him right now!…he told me he loved me, Quisty…" he said.Quistis' expression went quickly to one of surprise.

"He did?!" she exclaimed.Zell nodded.

"Uh-huh" he said sadly, tears beginning to form.Quistis hugged him tightly.

"Oh, Zell…you love him too, don't you?" she asked quietly, as Zell cried softly on her shoulder.He nodded, and Quistis felt her overwhelming sisterly instincts kick in again.

I swear…I'll make sure Seifer pays for this! I've never seen Zell so upset before…poor thing… she thought.

Quistis continued to hold and comfort her long-time friend, when the feeling of the Ragnarok landing pulled them away from each other.They looked into each other's eyes, mouths set in a grim smile.They knew it would be dangerous, but they also loved the thrill of battle.

"We're here!" Selphie announced.

"OHHH YEAHHH! LET'S KICK SOME ASS!" Zell yelled.

"WOO-HOO!" Selphie added.Irvine sighed.

"Isn't she great?" he asked Quistis, who simply giggled in reply.

Maybe I can forget about Seifer for a while, and enjoy myself…Zell thought.

~ * ~

Squall left Seifer's room, feeling stupid.They were on uneasy terms…Seifer couldn't bring himself to forgive Squall just yet, and Squall didn't blame him.

How could I do this?…oh, Zell…I'm such a lousy friend…he thought.He caught sight of Nida watching him from down the corridor, and felt a blush rise to his cheeks.

Why is he always watching me?…those warm brown eyes of his…they never leave me alone…he thought, as he smiled at the other boy.

"Hi Squall…how are you?" Nida asked as Squall neared him.

"Uh…hello, Nida…I…I'm okay" Squall stuttered.Nida smiled warmly.

"No, you're not…something is troubling you, my friend…" he said knowingly.

How the hell did he know?! And why can't I talk normally around him? Squall mused.

"…H-how did you know?" Squall queried.Nida's eyes twinkled with his smile, and Squall had to stop himself from gasping at the sight.

His eyes look really nice when he smiles…huh? What am I thinking?!

"Well, your posture is suggesting something is wrong, and your eyes told the rest…" Nida explained.Squall blushed.

He can read me too well…that thought should make me feel uncomfortable, but somehow…it doesn't…he thought.

"Oh…" was all Squall could manage.Nida put his hand on Squall's shoulder, and gave him a concerned look.

"Do you need to talk about it?…I know you're not exactly the best at discussing your feelings, but…I will listen" he said.Squall felt the warmth of Nida's hand seeping into his bones, erasing the cold darkness that was previously there.

Could…could I be attracted to Nida? Squall thought incredulously.He looked deep into the other SeeD's eyes, and realised that the answer was yes.

Since when?!…I don't understand this! He thought, noticing that Nida's hand was still on his shoulder.He raised a dark eyebrow, and it was Nida's turn to blush.

"…Sorry…" he mumbled, taking his hand back.Squall smiled (shock, horror!) and shook his head.

"Don't be.You know, I think I do need to talk…" he said, putting that beautiful smile back onto Nida's face.

"Really? Anywhere specific you would like to go to talk?" he asked.Squall thought about this for a moment.

"My room?" he asked, watching for a reaction.Nida blushed slightly, but smiled.

"Sure…" he said shyly.

"I can't thank you enough, Nida…" Squall said softly, and Nida's hand once again found it's way to Squall's shoulder…not that he really minded.

"Please…don't feel like it's a favour.I'm doing this because I want to help you" he said.Squall nodded, smiling.

"Okay…thanks, Nida"

"No problem…let's go" he said.

I made a bad mistake. I wasn't in love with Seifer…I hope he can forgive me someday…I'll miss his friendship…Squall thought, as he and Nida walked side-by-side down the hallway.

~ * ~

The quartet of fighters burst out from the Ragnarok, scanning for any Hexadragons…technically, those were the only monsters they were supposed to kill, unless it was unavoidable.

"Bingo!" Irvine cried, pointing over to the left.

"CHAAARRGE!" Zell cried, and they ran towards the very puzzled Hexadragon, swinging weapons and looking threatening.

"Woo-hoo!" Selphie whooped, as they began to battle every Hexadragon they came across.

"How many are we supposed to kill again?" Zell asked, when they had stopped for a break.Quistis looked at him, after cleaning the blade on the end of her whip.

"About fifty…I think" she said.Selphie nodded.

"Yep, fifty! I remember Squall saying so!" she cried.

"Well, here comes number thirty-five!" Irvine yelped, pointing in front of them.A Hexadragon was charging straight for them, angry as hell.

"Ahhh!" Selphie screamed, casting Stop on the monster.Zell cast Triple on himself, then Aura on everyone else.Quistis used Gatling Gun, Zell used Duel, finishing off with My Final Heaven.The Hexadragon was dead.Zell wiped the irritating beads of sweat from his brow, and let out a sigh.This was letting him release all his anger, and he was feeling a little better.Quistis smiled at her friend.

I'm glad he's cheered up a bit…looks like he needed to release some of his energy…she thought.

They battled for a few more hours, until they had killed fifty Hexadragons.Zell collapsed on the grass, panting heavily.

"Hoo-boy…that sure took a lot out of me!" he said cheerfully.Selphie giggled.

"Come on, Zell! Let's go eat! To the Ragnarok!" she cried, pointing to the large dragon-shaped ship.Zell's stomach clenched painfully at the mention of food, growling loudly.He grinned.

"OHHH YEAHHH! I'm starving!" he yelled, staggering to his feet and glancing at the distance he had to walk.

"Oh, man! Why'd we have to walk so far away?! I'm too tired to walk that far!" he complained.Everyone else was way ahead of him.He sighed, and began walking rather painfully back to the airship.His muscles were worn out from all the fighting he'd done. 

As he was slowly walking, he heard a roar from behind him.

Uh-oh…that doesn't sound good…he thought, as he spun around slowly and saw a Ruby Dragon approaching.

"SHIT!!" Zell screamed.He wasn't exactly prepared to fight this monster…it had a very powerful Breath attack, and Zell wasn't fire-resistant.

Despite the protests of his aching muscles, Zell began to run, quite literally, for his life.He saw the three people in front of him staring wide-eyed in shock at him.

"RUN, ZELL!!" Selphie screamed hysterically.They drew their weapons, and began to run towards him, prepared for battle.They stopped suddenly when they saw something that they were dreading…

The Ruby Dragon was using a Breath attack.

"ZELL, NO!!" Quistis screamed, feeling tears spring to her eyes.Zell was lying motionless on the grass.She felt anger seep through her veins, and began to run towards the dragon once more.Irvine and Selphie joined in the chase.

The Ruby Dragon roared triumphantly, even as Selphie was summoning Eden.

It wasn't enough.The Ruby Dragon still stood.

Irvine cast Aura on himself, and used his Pulse ammo to blast away at the Dragon, which finally fell and died.

Quistis was already at Zell's side.

He wasn't breathing…

"Here! Use this Phoenix Down!" Irvine cried, kneeling by Zell's side.Quistis grabbed it, placing on Zell's body.Nothing happened.

Selphie shook her head.

"He's gone, Irvine…he's gone…" she said sadly, her voice catching.She began to sob loudly, and Irvine wrapped his arms around her, letting his own tears of mourning fall into his girlfriend's hair. 

Quistis was silent.

She simply sat there, holding Zell's limp hand in her own, staring at his face.She wished that he would open his eyes, and flash that horribly enchanting grin at her.Or that this was a dream…and she was about to wake.

But it wasn't a dream.And Zell wouldn't open his eyes, or smile ever again.

Zell was gone…and Quistis finally realised it.

She began to cry, her heart feeling like it was in pieces.

My friend…Zell…you're gone, you're really gone…she thought, as the painful sobs wracked her slender body.She buried her face in his cooling chest, and cried.She felt someone hugging her, and looked up to see her best friend.

"Selphie…he's gone…I…I never got to say goodbye…" she sniffled, hugging Selphie tightly.The other girl was too upset to even talk, and just hugged Quistis.

Irvine picked up the fallen body, and they made their way back to the Ragnarok in silence.

~ * ~

Seifer waited excitedly for the Ragnarok to land.He had missed Zell terribly, even though they had only been apart for a day.

Finally the red ship had landed, and Seifer strode purposefully to it, waiting to see his smiling, beautiful boyfriend once more.

The first person out was Quistis.She fixed Seifer with a glare even more venomous than the usual, before slapping him soundly on the cheek.

"Zell told me what you did, Seifer…and now he's…" Quistis trailed off, unable to say it.She turned quickly and ran off, leaving a puzzled Seifer standing there, a hand on his stinging cheek.He looked at Selphie and Irvine, who had just stepped out.

"Where's Zell?" he asked of them.They looked at each other sadly, and then turned their gaze to him.Seifer felt his heart drop.

"No…" he whispered.Selphie's eyes filled with tears.

"Uh-huh…he's dead, Seifer…" she whispered.A harsh sob broke through from Seifer mouth, and he fell to his knees, crying unashamedly.Selphie put aside all prior hatred she had for him, and knelt down, hugging him gently.

"I'm sorry, Seifer…We all miss him terribly…he's…in there, if you want to see him, and say goodbye before the funeral…" she said quietly.Seifer looked at her, eyes filled with pain.

"Thankyou, Selphie…" he said.She smiled sadly, and let him get up.Seifer felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked behind him to see Irvine, his face twisted with grief.

"Seifer…I'm sorry" he said, and Seifer nodded.The two men hugged briefly, before Selphie and Irvine left together, leaving Seifer alone again.

He entered the Ragnarok, and gasped.

Zell lay there, a peaceful look upon his face.Seifer rushed to his side, touching his cheek.

It was cold.

Seifer began to cry again, nuzzling into the chest of his beloved.

Zell…I never got to explain to you, I never got to say goodbye…why? Why did you leave me? I'll be forever lonely without you…he thought, as he stroked the outrageous hair of Zell's…he'd always loved his hair.

He sat there, simply absorbing the feel of Zell for a while, his sobs residing, turning into anger and hatred.Anger for the fact that he never got to say goodbye.Hatred for Squall, who caused this whole mess.

Seifer felt his hatred for Squall reach bursting point.He stood, kissing Zell's cold cheek, before running to Squall's room, kicking the door open.He took in the scene before him. Squall and Nida locked in an embrace, Squall crying into the other SeeD's chest.Seifer grew angrier at this sight.He knew Nida was a good person, and he didn't want him being anywhere near that…thing.

He stalked over to Squall, and punched him square in the jaw.The younger boy collapsed onto the floor, a hurt and puzzled look on his face.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Nida snapped, helping Squall to his feet, and observing his face.Seifer ignored Nida, and looked Squall directly in the eyes, and punched him again.Hard.

"Stop it, Seifer! Leave him alone!" Nida cried.

"He's dead, Squall.He's dead, and he died thinking that I was cheating on him! I never got to explain, I never got to say goodbye!…whose fault is that?!" Seifer cried.Squall's eyes widened, and he hung his head.

"Mine…it's my fault…it's all my fault…" he sobbed."Zell…I'm sorry…I can't believe you're really gone…" he said to himself.Nida hugged Squall, whispering comforting words.He paused and looked at Seifer.

"Seifer…I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but Squall's not doing so good…he feels really sorry for what he did…he needs to just be comforted right now.Zell was his friend, too…" Nida whispered.Seifer nodded.He understood…but he could never forgive Squall.Never.

"Nida, I know you're a gentle-hearted kind of person.All I want to say is be careful…don't trust Squall too easily" he said coldly.Nida's eyes showed how hurt he was by that statement.

"I think I can trust myself to make the right decisions, Seifer" he snapped. Seifer was taken aback by the fierceness Nida was showing.

"Fine." he said, and left quickly to avoid hitting Nida too, tears beginning to pool in his eyes again.

He went into Zell's room, curled up on the bed and wept.

He fell asleep soon after the tears stopped.

~ * ~

Morning came, and Seifer was still in Zell's room.There was a knock on the door, and upon opening it, he saw Fujin and Raijin, holding flowers.

"Hi, Seifer…" Fujin said softly, handing him the flowers, and hugging him gently.Seifer looked at the both of them, a puzzled look on his face.

"Hi guys…where have you been?" he asked.They smiled briefly, the smile quickly dropping back into a frown.

"We were on vacation, ya know?" Raijin said.Fujin nodded.

"Yes, but we came back last night.Squall told us about Zell, and we immediately thought of you…how are you holding up, Seifer?" Fujin asked, as they all entered Zell's room and sat down.Seifer sighed, pushing the threatening tears back.

"I'm…I'm doing all right, Fujin, considering…" he said.Fujin nodded understandingly.Raijin looked at Seifer sadly.

"We just wanted to help you out a little, ya know? Make sure you were okay, say hi, give condolences…all those kinda things, ya know?" Raijin said, scratching his head.Fujin elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"IDIOT" she commented."Sorry, Seifer…Raijin's not very good at this kind of thing.Neither am I, but I still know when to shut my mouth…ya know?" she said, shooting a scalding glare at Raijin.Seifer smiled.

"Well, it was nice to see you guys again…we're still a posse, right?" he asked.Fujin smiled, placing her hand on Seifer's.

"Always.We're always a posse…"she said.She shot another glare at Raijin, and the two got up.

"If ya need anything, just ask us, ya know? We'd be happy to help!" Raijin offered as they exited the room.Seifer waved.

"I will, and thankyou…" he replied, before snuggling back onto Zell's bed.

The covers on the bed still smelled of Zell, and Seifer breathed the scent in deeply, wanting to remember it.

He looked around Zell's room, scanning every inch of it.His eyes settled on a picture in a photo frame.

It was of him and Zell…smiling happily.Seifer sighed sadly, tears re-appearing.

I miss you so much, Zell…I miss your smile, your kiss…your infatuation with hot dogs…he thought, snickering slightly at the memory of Zell choking on a hot dog.

But still…you're gone.I don't know how I'll cope without you, I'm all alone for real now…

Seifer felt terrible.He decided to sleep until the funeral.

~ * ~

Seifer gave the eulogy for Zell's funeral no more than an hour later.He was tired, listless and just wanted it all to end.He couldn't even walk two steps without someone blaming him for Zell's passing.It was too much.He couldn't take it any more.

"It's your fault he's dead, Seifer! If you hadn't seduced him he'd still be alive!" a nameless voice cried.

Your fault, your fault…all your fault…the voices sang in his head.They wouldn't even leave him in peace when he was trying to say his last good-byes to his beloved.They rang out stronger, mocking him, tearing him apart.Even Zell's voice appeared in the midst of the others, cursing him, renouncing his love.Seifer felt his heart tear into pieces, as he once more looked upon the still, lifeless form of Zell.He seemed so peaceful, but his spirit was restless…

And it's all your fault, you worthless piece of trash! Your fault! The voices screamed again.It sent Seifer over the edge.He let down his walls, sobbing hysterically, before kneeling in front of the coffin, clawing at his head.He felt someone's arms around him, and saw Selphie's face come into view.She helped him to his feet, wiped away his tears and sighed.

"Seifer…this is too hard for you, I can tell" she said. All childishness she once held on to was gone, a matured woman replacing it.Seifer hugged her, letting out his grief.

"They're yelling at me, Selphie…my fault…my fault…" he whispered.Selphie rubbed his back.

"Shh, we should go…you won't find any comfort here…" she whispered back.They broke the hug, and Seifer nodded.

"You're right.Let's go." He replied, casting a harsh glare at the assembled Garden members.Quistis looked guiltily at him, mouthing the words 'I'm sorry' over the voices.Seifer's eyes widened, but he nodded in acceptance, as Selphie grabbed onto his arm, and Irvine's, leading them out of the service.

They returned to the Garden. 

Seifer decided he would leave the Garden, and go to live in Dollet, where Fujin had an apartment.But he wanted one more chance to see Zell's room before he left.

He entered the room, taking the picture of them together, before anyone else destroyed it.He looked at the ceiling, a sad smile on his face, before he began to talk.

"I still owe you an explanation…there was nothing going on between Squall and I, I promise you.Squall thought he was in love with me, and tried everything to make me feel the same.Unfortunately, you walked in on one of his attempts.I don't love him, I never have, and I never will.I love you, Zell…I hope you're happy, wherever you are…I'll never forget you" Seifer whispered, feeling a huge amount of guilt lift from his shoulders.

And from somewhere above, Zell smiled.

I should have trusted you, Seifer…I'm sorry.I love you…

The End.

Well, there's the end.Sorry if it was really corny or crappy.

I hope at least you have the decency to tell me what would have made it better.

After all, this is only my second attempt at a FFVIII fic.The first being 'Hot Dogs and a Mischievous Imp'

Hope you liked it…review!

~ Wannon-chan ~


End file.
